My Experiences

Contributed by Domicile

Please note: These experience contain descriptions of some frightening experiences. Please take care of yourself when reading – and, if it triggers anything for you, please do get some help. As Domicile suggests at the end of this, ‘Call a friend or relative and ask them to keep you company .. I’ve done it many times and it always works the best’.

If you don’t have friends or family to talk to, then please try The Samaritans (www.samaritans.org)

I was reading through some of the information posted on this site and I’ve experienced so much as described on here and perhaps a little more.. so I thought I would share some of my experience with what I will refer to as “episodes”.

There is a lot I would like to say but Im not 100% sure what to make of what I have experienced with my episodes. I’m not exactly sure If I should be sharing some of this information or not, and I really don’t know anything about what is happening / happened to me except for what I’ve experienced. I will do my best to make things as clear as possible and you can take what you want from it.

Before I start, I want to mention that I tried to leave a comment yesterday and my power cut just long enough to clear what I had typed now as I am typing right now my computer is making a ridiculous humming noise wich is coming from the monitor.

Okay.. I’ve heard many kinds of voices when I’ve experienced these episodes.. like mentioned in some of the information given on this site. There were times I heard voices that sounded like a few different people that were watching me and it seemed as if they were commenting on what I was doing. Other times I heard repeated phrases, these voices sounded more like someone yelling from a distance but seemed to have more of a female or child like tone to it.

Other times there are voices that sound more like a whisper, but if I’m deep in an episode the voices are very distinct.

To me it seems like there are different kinds of voices in terms of some being good, some nuetral and some not nice at all. Unfortunately for me most of the ones Ive heard are on the negative side, they seem to want to harm me or have me harm myself.

The voices that I hear that repeat phrases seem to be the ones that are warning me about something or are trying to share information with me as if to try to teach me how to better prepare myself for what is about to happen. It seems that they repeat themselves until I give acknowledgment that I’ve heard what they said or more precisely repeated what they have said correctly. For example, when I first started hearing these kind of voices “The Phrase Voices” they would say things like “you’re opening the window” or “don’t use the telephone”

I know this sounds strange but it’s even stranger for me to repeat this stuff. I think opening the window and using the telephone was almost like slang though.. I think its slang for being able to communicate with the voices. Opening the window is what will allow the communication to be possible and I think using the telephone is a little deeper. I think its more like hearing thoughts but then if you are doing this they can also hear everything you are thinking its like a cummunication wave length. This one has been a major problem for me when the evil voices come because they scare the s*** right out of me. It seems as if I can no longer recieve help from the good voices beacuse the bad ones lock in super deep and are able to manipulate the others..like make the tones sound different. It also seems as if the good ones dont want to share information with me when the bad ones are around because its like I almost become a tool that the bad voices can use to learn how the good ones work.

If you are lost dont worry so am I. I could be completely wrong but I think the voices I hear during my episodes have something to do with trying to keep balance between good and evil. So like I was saying, if the bad ones figure out ways that the good ones work then the balance is then shifted .. over weighted on the negative side of things.

I guess I will try to get in to more detail with what I’ve experienced instaed of making presumptious calculations as to what the purpose of these voices are or what they are doing.

When I first started hearing voices I would hear three to maybe five of them at a time .. not all at once, but as if there were three to five people watching me commenting on the things I was doing. At first I thought is was my parents/sibblings and my girlfriend and other friends pulling a joke on me. I would hear them saying things like “what is he doing” , “what a loser”, and “why is he doing this”. Sometimes I would here them repeat things though like as if they were watching me and calling me a loser over and over. Keep in mind that these ones are not the evil voices, these ones are good or perhaps nuetral.

So these mild episoeds happened for a while and I just dissmissed it as my imagination or I was even willing to accept that I was maybe going a little crazy, but things persisted and I really wanted to figure out what the [hell] was going on. I began to look everywhere in my house thinking that there was people hiding somewhere inside, but I never found anyone. One night things got bad. Some really evil ones came and they were trying to convince me to kill myself … they made themselves out to sound like people were going to break into my house and kick the [hell] out of me. I was pretty freaked out.

With the evil voices comes an overwhelming sense of fear.. a fear I’ve never experienced before.. the darkest [thing] I wish I never felt. Its absolutely like living a horror movie but worse I guess because I dont find horror movies that frightning. They were telling me things like all my friends had been sleeping with my girlfriend, saying things that they had defficated on my clothes.. and in my bed. It was really strange, but really scary at the same time. I felt completely helpless and so vulnerable. I was believing it. That’s when I first started to experience smells in my episodes. Sometimes I would smell cigarettes and weed being burned. Thats what really made me think there was people in the house. On this occasion I also smelled urine and poop. It looked like all my clothes were dirty and my bed linen as well.. some of my clothes and bed linen felt wet and almost greasy.. they smelled like there was gasoline soaked into them and felt that way too.

Things got worse. I would hear the voices say “okay lest just kick his door open and we’ll jump on him and start kicking the [hell] out of him”  and “okay.. one two three get him!”. I eventually went outside to have a cigarette but I was too scared to sit still to even get one lit. It seemed to get worse outside. The wind was blowing like crazy and it sounded like there were people running at me from all directions. I was constantly looking over my shoulder and jumping around scared [to death]. I was standing in the opening of my garage and I would hear “get him now!” and the grage doors would shake violently scaring me even further.

I was standing in my driveway looking all around when I heard a voice that sounded like my brother. He said “you need to relax.. just relax and sit down on the steps.. have a cigarette, the police are coming”. He just kept telling me to relax and sit down and that the police would be there any minute. I managed to pull myself together enough to actually sit and light a ciggarette. As I lit the smoke and took my first couple of puffs, I heard a car coming up the street. Sure enough it was a police car. They had told me that a neighbor saw me acting strangely and they had called the police. It was at 1.00am when this happened, but man was I ever glad the police were there.. it helped me calm down bigtime. They said that the neighbour saw me shadow boxing and I told them that I just watched UFC and was practicing some moves.. what was i suposed to say?

This was where things really started to make me think that there had to be something more to these voices… that maybe I wasn’t crazy.. I mean how did that happen? They told me the police were coming and it actually happened. That had me questioning things for a while.. but then eventually I just dissmissed it as coincidental. Besides I tried explaining to my friends and my family what happened and they thought I was a nut bar. Just laughed at me.. whatever.. I was kinda laughing too thinking “yeah Im just a little crazy thats all.. I can live with that”. But there were at least two other times when I heard the voices say things before they happened.

Another time I was hearing the voices and I was very emotional at this point. The voices were somewhat tormenting me again and this was about three months after my girlfriend had broke up with me. I loved her a lot and missed her a lot. During this episode I wasn’t thinking of her though, I was just doing my thing untill I heard the voices… starting with “You’re opening the window” so I’m trying to be nonchalant about it and just thinking to myself “yeah yeah .. not this [stuff] again”. Eventually the voices came and started to tell me things like how much of an awful person I was and how I had no respect for anyone that I loved .. they really made me feel like [hell] .. super depressed and worthless. I felt completely unloved and that everyone hated me. I actually started to cry pretty hard, but when I did it almost seemed as if something lifted .. like the voices changed and they were almost sympathetic to me.

I asked them why they were doing this and they said they were trying to help me but I dont listen. It seems as if I really do truly know whats going on but I try my best not to accept it. How [on earth] can I believe that any of this [stuff] is really happening to me, right? I think.. no.. I know.. I wanted it to be my imagination.. wow what a terrifying, unbelievable yet unique experience. So unreal but more real than anything I have ever gone through.. and the feelings were so strong and powerful.

So, as I was saying, I was completely torn down by these voices and what they were saying.. making me feel like the worst son, the worst brother, the worst friend, and the worst boyfriend anyone could ever have. That’s when I started crying. I asked them what they were.. if they were ghosts, spirits or whatever. They told me they were what ever I wanted them to be. I think they meant it depended on what kind of energy i was projecting. If I was scared or thinking thinking bad things or feeling negative then I would attract the evil voices, and if my energy was positive or more pure per say.. then I would attract the energy that was similar. I asked why I only heard them at specific times and they said I could hear them all the time and that all I had to do was listen.

Its almost like finding a way to tap into a frequency or vibration that is a form of communication. For me it seems to happen when I’m in complete silence and I try listening very hard but I think my mood or what Im feeling definitely plays a strong role in this as well.

Anyhow I was crying and they the voices started to reasure me that I was a good person and started telling me things about my childhood.. things that had happened to me as a child or how sometimes when someone would say something mean to me I would say something in return that would show that I was a truly genuinely loving person. It started to make me feel better and I asked them if I could speak to my ex-girlfriend. I was still somewhat sobbing and I said I really just want my ex-girlfriend to call me rigt now. About 20 minutes later my phone rang and it was my ex-girlfriend. She said she was thinking about me and she was worried about me .. she was wondering how I was doing. We hadn’t spoken to each other 3 months prior to this event and it occured around 6 to 6.30am. Again as time passed I began to view the episode as just coincidence and things seemed to pretty much go back to normal.

There was also a third time I was experiencing an episode when I heard voices that knew something I didn’t. One of the last episodes I’ve had actually. I’m currently living in Canada and here in Canada you can buy a kind of lottery ticket called proline. You pick the out come of sports events .. like which teams win or lose, if it’s a tie or if a game has a certain amount of runs or goals .. “thats called the over under”. Anyway I was in college during the time taking a Health Science course and I was set to start nursing school the next year but I had no money to pay for my classes and on top of that I was also in debt. I was praying that some how I would get some money so I could afford to go to school.

One morning I was reading the sports section of the newspaper and decided I would play a proline ticket.. it was as if I had a good feeling about the outcomes of the hockey games scheduled for that day. Later that day when I was at school on my lunch break I studied the games and chose four games to end in a tie that day and picked another team to win. There was a total of 5 bets on one ticket – 4 ties and one win. A tie in hockey on a proline ticket means that the game finishes in a shoot out then it is considered a tie. I made my picks, but at the last second I changed one of the games I had originally selected for a tie to a different game. I bet four dollars and the payout was $7800.00 I would have won too if I didn’t change the game at that last second I had originally selected. I was [annoyed].

A couple of days later I tried again and the something similar happened. This time all the games came through except the very last. That game I chose to end in a shoot out but it finished in overtime instead with only a minute left to play before it reached the shootout. Darn!! So close but another loser. This happened about four times in a row over a period of three weeks but I had this feeling like I was going to win. Finally one day I bought four tickets with various results all payed out between 6500.00 to 7500.00 dollars and as I was walking out the door I realised there were four games I didn’t select on any of those tickets and I said to myself.. “with the way my luck is going lately those four games are probably the ones that will end in a shootout tonight” so I went back into the store and selected another ticket with those games I didn’t have on any of my other tickets. The reason why I selected these games to finish in a shoot out is because the odds of that happening are very low.. so when you pick outcomes with low odds the pay out is very high. I had a four dollar ticket with four ties and one win and the payout was 8500.00 dollars.

Later that night I was at my friends watching some of the games keeping an eye on some of the scores and having a few beers. I noticed that games i needed to tie were over and the results weren’t in my favour.. looks like I lose again.. oh well better luck next time. About 3, maybe 4, days later I stil had the tickets sitting on my dresser. It was around 10pm and I started to have an episode. I heard two people standing next to me talking to each other, saying “what a loser .. I bet he doesn’t even know he has a winning ticket.. he’s probably gonna throw them in the garbage too.. what an idiot.. he doesn’t deserve that ticket”. I was a little confused because I only had my pile of losing tickets from a few days before and was more or less a little more consumed by my episode. I checked the tickets a week later and the ticket I went back into the store for turned out to be a winner. I won $8500.00. So strange how I heard the voices talking about it when I thought all of my tickets were losers.

I guess now is a good time to tell you that my episodes do not just consist of voices. I also smell, see, feel and remember things.. sometimes its almost like I recieve memories that aren’t even mine. But like I said, so unfortunate for me.. when you get evil voices its like you get their memories.. at least thats what it seemed like. I kept on remembering all these really very scary events involving death and murder and torture, but had no idea where it all came from. So, very [very] scary.

This episode turned out to be one of the most traumatic for me because I wanted to prove to people that I’m not crazy. I actually wanted to prove to myself that what I was experiencing was really actually happening. So, as I began to feel the very unsettling sense of overwhelming fear creep into my room, the rest of the unxplainable started to occur just like it had so many times before. The different kinds of odours.. like stuff burning, almost like garbage burning or a house fire. Dog food was a common one, Gasoline, most smells were not of the pleasant type thats for sure. My room would always become so hot, but I never liked to open the window because it made me feel more vulnerable and I would hear even more voices and noises.

I should also let you know when I have an episode regular noise sound about 100 times louder than it actually is so that can be a little scary too. I also see things sometimes, like something was just infront of me or like things are slightly moved. Sometimes it seems as if things like certain objects in my room would be pointing at something. Lets say if there was a number of pencils in my room in various places they would all be pointing in the same direction towards the same area. But most commonly I would see things in the reflection of an object. Like in the reflection of my doorknob, cell phone, a CD case, a glass picture frame or a television. Mostly what I would or will see are the reflections of what I call shadow people. I can see them standing next to me or around me . They look just like living shadows and I know for certain its not mine because there are usually more than one and its not where my shadow is located. Also things like my blankets and clothes on the floor would change in the reflection of something as well. Almost as if the blanket was forming into a person.. or at least it looked as if there was a person under it. The same for the clothes.. It looked like my clothes would start to turn into some sort of being. It was never a good idea for me to look into reflections too long because it seemed to really increase the intensity of the episode.

Well, this time I came equipped with my digital camera and my video camera and I was seeing all sorts of images on the LCD screen that couldn’t see with the naked eye. Mostly what I saw were all sorts of necrotizing bodies that seemed to still be alive.. or at least not completely dead. They all had eyes. Extremely wide opened eyes with sometimes almost a smile on their face.. but such an evil scary look to them. I could feel them looking at me and it was like they knew I could see them. I was so scared I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. The voices intensified. I couldn’t get out of this episode. It was as if I saw too much. All I wanted to do now was to prove that I was just crazy or that it was just my imagination, then I would have an out.. but it was too late for that. I had too much proof. I lost my mind. I ran down to my friends house had them call the police. I woke his parents up and everything. It was truly a living nightmare.

There is far much more detail to this story or my episodes that I didn’t elaborate on, but I think you get the jist of it. Everything I said here is true.. and if you have experienced any of these things, you know I’m telling the truth. A few things I would like to mention quickly are other noises. I would hear people whistling, or sometimes it would sound like a vacuum was running, sometimes the toilet would flush, foot steps, doors closing.

Sometimes other people would smell the things I would smell too. In 2007 I suffered a major laceration to the back of my arm and I cut my tricep in half, my ulnar nerve and two tendons. I had major corrective surgery and when the wound was healing and I would change the dressing.. wow did it ever stink. I guess you could say it smelled like rotting flesh. Once during one of my episodes my brother stopped by and I was in my room and I was thinking to myself what a horrendous smell, smells like my rotting elbow (this was 4 years after it had healed). My brother stopped by and when he entered my room he said “you should open your window, its stuffy in here and it smells like rotting elbow.” Very strange to me that he said that.. especially since I never told him about my arm smelling bad during the time I had injured it. Also my mother would sometimes smell the smells of gasoline, burning or pot and cigarette smoke when I would. Once there was a noise as if a bird flew by chirping and she jumped right away and said what was that. I just told her it was my cell phone when I knew it wasn’t. Sometimes it just seemed as if there was an energy that could manipulate other kinds of energy. Whether that energy belonged to another person, the wind an animal or even if it was electricity.

I think I’m gonna finish here.. I’m very tired. Oh another thing that would happen after the episodes are the nightmares I would have for weeks sometimes months after.. imagine a 30 year old man, 6ft 195 pounds, very physically fit and I couldn’t even turn my light off at night. Apparently I yell and scream and shake violently when I have these nightmares as well.. my friends and familly have witnessed that. My friend says it looks like I’m possessed. I think its the negative energy leaving my body when I’m trying to sleep.

I don’t know how anyone is going to feel reading this, whether they belive me or not, but at least you know you are not alone if these things are happening to you too.. and you are not crazy.. these things are very real.

I guess if I can offer any advice if you experience any episodes like I do, try to think of love and happy things when it gets really bad. Look at things like flowers, maybe, and have good smelling things around like flowery smelling stuff .. sage? ( NO CANDLES!).

Don’t be breaking out the video camera and start taking pictures either. Call a friend or relative and ask them to keep you company.. I’ve done it many times and it always works the best.